You’ve heard of ex-gay therapy. The new documentary film Do I Sound Gay? explores something a bit more specific: ex-gay speech therapy. Director David Thorpe discusses his own insecurities about how his voice sounds, and like a gag out of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, attempts to train himself to sound less gay.
What does it mean to sound gay? Take some longer vowels, mix in some clearer L’s, don’t forget the lispy long S’s, and overarticulate your Ps, Ts, and Ks. Then, maybe toss in a couple of “like”s and “you know”s and some upspeak for good measure. As Tim Gunn jokes in the film, kissing the air, “We enunciate! And if that’s gay? MWAH!” That’s the literal recipe for gay voice, but the cultural implications are far greater. “How and when did I learn to sound gay? Where does my gay voice come from?” Thorpe pleads — in gay voice, wondering if his exposure to the likes of Paul Lynde, Liberace, and Charles Nelson Reilly played a part.
Indeed, though plenty of experts and commentators add their perspective, it’s Thorpe’s insecurities that guide the film. “Some gay men are afraid that their voices sound too effeminate,” he explains in the introduction. “When I don’t have confidence in myself, I’m no different. I’m afraid that my voice repels other gay men — not to mention the world.”
Gay voice is a bit of a catch-22. In some ways, it’s an advertisement to other gay men that you’re gay, and Thorpe’s friends joke about his “transformation” in college, how he developed gay voice after coming out. Of course, though it may in some cases help gay men find each other, gay voice is not an actual determination of sexual orientation by any means, as the New York Times pointed out this week with an adapted teaser clip from the film. Or as Gunn puts it, “Some of the gayest people I know are straight. Some of the butchest men I’ve ever met are gay. So, in some ways, never assume!”
On the other hand, gay voice often does out a gay man to everybody else. As humorist David Sedaris confesses in the film, “I’m embarrassed to say this, but you know sometimes somebody will say, ‘I didn’t know you were gay.’ It’s like, why does that make me feel good? And I hate myself for thinking that. And I think, yeah, it’s very disturbing. I thought I was beyond that. What’s the problem if somebody assumes that I’m gay when I open my mouth. Like, why do I have a problem with that?”
Dan Savage offers his explanation: “A lot of gay men are self-conscious about sounding gay because we were persecuted for that when we were young. You know, when you’re young and closeted and trying to pass, you police yourself for evidence that might betray you. It’s how you walk and how you talk, those two things. So a lot of gay men carry that into adulthood.”
One of those people who was bullied was Zachary King. Back in 2011, then 15-year-old King was beaten over and over again by a classmate as his other classmates just watched — and one filmed the assault. He was profiled, he explains in the film, just because of his voice and mannerisms.
Policing of gay voice also happens between gay men. Legal scholar Kenji Yoshino outlines the concept of “covering,” a sort of half-closeting that gay men exhibit, sometimes even subconsciously. “Covering is a phenomenon where individuals who belong to stigmatized groups still make an enormous effort to keep that stigma from looming large,” he explains. As Thorpe tries to do in the film, gay men might try to downplay their “gay” characteristics in order to be more attractive to other men or to be more accepted in the world generally.
At one point, he asks Savage for an answer to the underlying question, “Why do you think gay men sometimes reject other gay men for sounding gay?” Savage’s answer is blunt. “Misogyny. They want to prove to the culture that they’re not not men — that they’re good because they’re not women. They’re not like women, they don’t want women, they don’t want to sleep with women, they don’t want to act like women. And then they’ll punish gay men who they perceive as being feminine in any way.”
Thorpe’s journey is incredibly compelling because what starts as sort of a goofy question unpacks a world of insecurities that all gay men experience, whether it’s because of their voice or other aspects of their identity. “For many gay men, that’s the last vestige,” Savage offers. “It’s the last chunk of internalized homophobia — this hatred of how they sound. What’s wrong with sounding like you are who you are? Sounding like a gay man? Having a gay voice?”
As equality advances with a whopping momentum, the very fate of gay subculture is actually at stake. The mainstreaming of gay lives has come at the expense of some of the uniqueness that set those lives apart from the norms of society. In his recent exploration of “What Was Gay?”, Slate’s Bryan Lowder asserted that gay culture is not yet dead, but in many ways “it has grown quiet, sure, even hovered near dormancy.” Reflecting on his hometown at The New Republic this week, Michael Lindenberger similarly bemoaned that though there is still a gay Louisville, “it is no longer a separate culture exclusive to its members.” Both Lowder and Lindenberger express hope for a reinvented concept of gay culture under the paradigm of equality. As Lindenberger suggests, “We must continue to embrace the things that made us different and special, the sense of family and support — the unity of purpose — that stitched us together.”
And that’s what Do I Sound Gay? ultimately reveals. Despite arguably being the most privileged group under the LGBT umbrella, gay men still have a lot of internalized prejudices to unpack. To rediscover who we are as a unique group, we need to arrive at a place that allows us to feel comfortable enough celebrating who we authentically are. Laws might be more inclusive and protective, but the culture is still catching up. Gay men who don’t want to be perceived as gay — or who don’t even want want to be around other gay men who might be perceived as gay — are continuing to hold back true acceptance.
Understanding how we gay men sound — and more importantly, how we feel about how we sound — is an important first toward rebuilding that gay culture. If we don’t, and assimilation to norms of masculinity continues to win out over integration of authentic gay identities, then that internalized stigma will persist. Instead of just exploring the roots of an effeminate, sibilant dialect, Do I Sound Gay? actually addresses the bigger question of what it means to be gay and leaves viewers of all genders and sexual orientations with a lot to consider.
The film opens in Los Angeles on July 17 and will be available on video-on-demand sometime after that.